Grieving the Loss of a Pet
I don't even like to call him my pet, he was my little buddy. A real member of our small family that we've made. I never had any animals in the house when I was growing up and now, in my late 20's, I surround myself with as much love as we can reasonably fit in our townhouse.
Every morning before I leave for work I check in on our bunnies (who have their own bedroom). I make sure they have food and water for the day, scratch their little heads and tell them how much I love them and to be good while I'm at work. Friday morning I was all ready to leave and went in as usual, but to my utter devastation one of my sweet baby bunnies was lying with his eyes open...no longer breathing. He had the most beautiful fur, like a honey-brown teddy bear, and when I placed my hand on him my worst thoughts were confirmed. He was stiff and lifeless. I cried and cried, cried harder than when my grandparents died. I cried as I set him gently in the shoe-box Brian brought to me (which happened to say "goodfellow" on it...and my sweet bunny was truly a good fellow). I cried as I called the Pets at Peace funeral home, and I cried on the drive there with my baby in the passenger seat, box buckled in. I cried as the strange man explained to me how the cremation process would go. I cried as I looked upon the small, helpless body laying on the royal blue bed. They had a beautiful room to say goodbye in, with a velvet blanket and a waterfall on the wall. I stayed with him for only a few moments, I had gone alone and it was too much to bear. At the end of the day I cried with Brian and we held each other for a while, remembering what a character our little buddy had been. I felt better Saturday and Sunday, but last night tears came heavily again and I sat in the bunnies' room until the wave of sadness had run its course.
I don't think that will be the last time I cry over him, but this journey is completely new for me. Never having a pet growing up meant that I never learned how to deal with this kind of loss.
Those who have never had a pet will probably not understand at all. To an outsider, it might just look like any animal, but in reality they are truly a part of the family. I learned through the kind souls at the funeral home that grieving a pet is comparable to losing a human member of the family. You can expect to go through some or all of the different stages of grief.
Every morning before I leave for work I check in on our bunnies (who have their own bedroom). I make sure they have food and water for the day, scratch their little heads and tell them how much I love them and to be good while I'm at work. Friday morning I was all ready to leave and went in as usual, but to my utter devastation one of my sweet baby bunnies was lying with his eyes open...no longer breathing. He had the most beautiful fur, like a honey-brown teddy bear, and when I placed my hand on him my worst thoughts were confirmed. He was stiff and lifeless. I cried and cried, cried harder than when my grandparents died. I cried as I set him gently in the shoe-box Brian brought to me (which happened to say "goodfellow" on it...and my sweet bunny was truly a good fellow). I cried as I called the Pets at Peace funeral home, and I cried on the drive there with my baby in the passenger seat, box buckled in. I cried as the strange man explained to me how the cremation process would go. I cried as I looked upon the small, helpless body laying on the royal blue bed. They had a beautiful room to say goodbye in, with a velvet blanket and a waterfall on the wall. I stayed with him for only a few moments, I had gone alone and it was too much to bear. At the end of the day I cried with Brian and we held each other for a while, remembering what a character our little buddy had been. I felt better Saturday and Sunday, but last night tears came heavily again and I sat in the bunnies' room until the wave of sadness had run its course.
I don't think that will be the last time I cry over him, but this journey is completely new for me. Never having a pet growing up meant that I never learned how to deal with this kind of loss.
Those who have never had a pet will probably not understand at all. To an outsider, it might just look like any animal, but in reality they are truly a part of the family. I learned through the kind souls at the funeral home that grieving a pet is comparable to losing a human member of the family. You can expect to go through some or all of the different stages of grief.
- Reacting to the loss with shock or a feeling of numbness.
- Experiencing pain, guilt, a sense of chaos.
- Anger at yourself or others, bargaining with a higher power.
- Loneliness and depression, but also reflection.
- An upward turn to a sense of calm, feeling just a bit better.
- Reconstructing your home life, working through thoughts and emotions, considering solutions and maybe a new pet.
- Acceptance, hope for the future.
I feel like I've gone through all of these stages in just 3 days, and I know the journey is far from over. In studying Stoicism and different forms of spirituality, I was able to find comfort in a new thought. All life comes and goes. Turn your focus from being the center of the world to being a passive being here to experience the love and wonder of life. With the observer perspective we can simply be grateful for those that come in to our lives. In a center-of-the-world view, we might feel as if we own others in some way, and that something is being taken from us when they go. From the stance of love and gratitude we can instead celebrate the time that they were with us, and the joy they brought. We can reflect on that when they are gone, feeling lucky that we had them for however short a time that we did.
(Yes, our bunny's name was Schnitzel. <3 )
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